Funny Quotes From the Golden Girls

The four ladies from the Emmy and Golden Globe Award-Winning television show, aptly named Golden Girls, imparted profound nuggets of wisdom and substance throughout its seven-year run time.

Here are some quotes that stood out to us, and you don't have to be a Golden Girl to relate. These 20 Golden Girls quotes will make you laugh and cry no matter what age you are.

Top 20 Golden Girls Quotes

1. "It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it." — Dorothy

This statement by Dorothy is funny and sarcastic yet rings some truth to it. Being a mother is difficult -- the emotional investment, lack of free time, and physical fatigue will definitely take their toll on everyone. Maybe that's why fathers don't do it.

2. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping." — Blanche

Fun-loving Blanche has a point -- don't dwell too much on the cause of your sadness, like what "plain girls" do. Go shopping and have fun! We're not sure how sustainable it is in the long run -- after all, we've all got to deal with our emotions at some point -- but it's a great start to getting over your troubles!

Also Read: How Old Were The Golden Girls During The Show?

3. "People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass." — Sophia

As the oldest of all the Golden Girls, Sophia does make some very compelling points! Whether you view the glass half-full or half-empty is trivial -- at the end of the day, what you get out of a situation and the lesson you learned is what's important.

4. "Nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman." — Blanche

When Blanche talks, we have no choice but to agree!

5. "After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone!" — Sophia

Sophia does have a point -- morbidly true, even. Did you know that the life expectancy of people past 80 is only 7 to 8 years? That's not really a lot of time.

6. "It's like life is a giant weenie roast, and I'm the biggest weenie!" — Rose

We've all been Rose at some point. When life throws us curveballs, it's easy to believe that we have it worse than others. The important thing to do when we feel this way is to take a deep breath and put things into perspective. The best solutions are always found whenever we're calm and rational!

Also Read: Golden Girls Popular Episodes

7. "Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat. Unless a lesbian sheds; that I don't like." — Sophia

Golden Girls was thought of by many as a show way ahead of its time. At a time when the LGBT community wasn't as accepted as they are today, you have four lovely ladies talking about how someone is a nice person, never mind their sexual orientation. It has nothing to do with who they are as a person anyway!

8. "My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." — Rose

We have to agree with Rose here -- age allows us plenty of experiences from which we can take reference. You can't say the same for when you're younger. Unless you're a banana, of course, in which case you'd make for a loaf of mean banana bread!

9. "I've been having a good time, and there wasn't even a man in the room." — Blanche

When you're out with friends, you'll always have a good time. You don't need a man to be happy if you're genuinely happy on the inside!

10. "Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless." — Sophia

We don't know if it was a thing back then, but our Golden Girls have been burning people before it was even considered cool. Sophia was definitely the sassiest burner.

On a more serious note, jealousy is an ugly feeling, and it's okay if you can't help it -- we're human and flawed. The important thing is taking note of what jealousy contributes to our lives -- does it make us angry and spiteful, or does it inspire us to become better?

11. "I thought I was gonna die. I swear I have never felt such agony. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes and I thought, 'What a shame if I die now, I'm too young… and I'm wearing the wrong underwear.'" — Blanche

We really won't be able to plan our death or the exact manner in which we die, but we always have to wear clean underwear just in case!

12. "I feel that you have backed me into a corner, and when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin' like a wildcat. Unless I've had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet." — Blanche

This statement shows how strong Blanche is as a character. She is not one to go down without a fight… but then again, she has to back it up with a line that shows her love for drinking and cocktails.

13. "No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it." — Sophia

It doesn't matter how dire the situation looks -- it's not permanent and you'll get over and through it. This statement from Sophia really is sage words.

14. "My great-granddaddy always said that there are two things you never sell to a friend — a car and a slave — because if either one of them quits working you'll never hear the end of it. Of course, they hanged my great-granddaddy. He said a lot of things he shouldn't have." — Blanche

Sometimes, extreme truthfulness does get one in trouble -- it wouldn't hurt to be wise and assess the situation first before we decide to open our mouths!

15. "Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see Ishtar. Woof." — Sophia

We have to agree with Sophia's wisdom here. We should definitely hold onto our friends and help them out when they need us because we'll never know when we'll need them. There is no such thing as security because everything can change in an instant. And of course, don't see Ishtar -- that movie has horrible reviews.

Also Read: Our Recommended Golden Girls Gifts

16. "You know my motto. Today could be the last day of your life." — Sophia

Life is short, and there is always a chance that today is the last day of our lives. We should make it a point to live life to the fullest every day, do what makes us happy, and tell our loved ones that we love them.

17. "Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway." — Sophia

It's honestly annoying to get unsolicited opinions from others, but if it's from someone as worldly and experienced as Sophia, we honestly wouldn't mind! We're sure we'd be able to pick up a few wise words here and there that will aid us in whatever we're going through.

18. "Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked." — Sophia

That's the funny thing about life -- sometimes we stumble across blessings, but we're unaware at the time that they're actually blessings, and the realization will come right after we've pondered the whole situation. If only blessings were easily identifiable… but then again, where's the fun in that?

19. "Oh, don't give up, Dorothy. If the ancient Egyptians could move 20-ton stone blocks to build the pyramids [ 1 ], we can move a toilet." — Rose

Rose is a very sweet woman who gave us so much wisdom in this statement. Other people's feats should provide great inspiration to us whenever we feel like we can't achieve something difficult! If other people did it, so can you!

20. "Dorothy, where I come from you learn never to turn your back on family! NEVER! When your crazy cousin Nunzio started living with his pet goat, did the family turn their back on him? No. And after a couple of nights, neither did the goat." — Sophia

Most of the people we know have a love-hate relationship with their families. Sometimes, they can't help but drive us bananas! Family is family, and at the end of the day, sticking with them is the best decision you can make, because you know they're the only people who'd do the same for you.

Key Takeaways

We sincerely hope these Golden Girls quotes were as meaningful and funny to you as they were to us. Who doesn't love hearing our favorite Golden Girls banter and quip funny one-liners?

We have many cool Golden Girls merch, perfect as gifts to your Golden gal pals or additions to your growing collection! Check out our listings!

Reference:

https://www.history.com/news/ancient-egypt-pyramid-ramp-discovery

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